Hanajima's Confessions
by Cadringiel
Summary: Hanajima is feuding with her guilty conscience. She moved out of her parent's house in order to find some peace, but the opposite seems to be happening to her. Only T for depressing themes
1. Chapter 1

**The First Friend She Ever Had  
**  
Hanajima Saki sat in the corner of her room, her knees tucked close to her chest and her chin dipped down to hide her tears. She didn't mean to do what she did.. But somehow she didn't regret it. That just made her even more sad.

_A human would feel badly if they did something like that. Maybe she was right, maybe I'm really not human._ The tears continued to stream down her cheeks, making salty rivers of sorrow. _I can't go back there. They'll never forgive me._

But do I want them to forgive? Do I really want to be one of them? I' ve seen how their minds work in ways I never knew possible. I've seen through their deceit, seen their evil intentions, ... do I want to be like that?

_I can't stop the waves from coming, I didn't mean to hurt her. I'd do anything to take it back. She was the first one, the first and only one to see me as a person rather than a freak. How could I hurt her... how? She showed me nothing but kindness, she always had a smile, and how do I repay her? What happened to me!_ Her tears started to come more from anger than sadness.

An evil voice started to come into her head, no matter what she did to suppress it. _"She deserved it. She lied to you all these years. She was never really your friend."_ it told her.  
_  
No! She was always there for me! She was my best friend, my only true friend! "But then why aren't you sorry?"... I am sorry. "No you're not. Don't lie to me, I know more about you than you know." Who are you?  
_  
There was a silence in her head for the first time. No waves entered her head and the evil voice had stopped talking. _Who are you?_ She said earnestly._ " I am you, Hanajima Saki, as you could be. I am YOU!"  
_  
"No you're not!" she shouted out loud.

She had unconsciously lifted her head at her words. She stood up and looked out of her apartment window. It was raining hard and huge thunder heads churned majestically above her.

She had moved out of her family's house soon after her second year in highschool had started. She had been getting headaches from all of the arguments her parents had been having lately. The waves of anger had been seemingly poisoning her. Even though her brother had pleaded with her to stay, she had declined. The purpose of moving out was to help her find more peace, but the opposite had been happening to her.

Her hands moved slowly towards the latches on the window. Slowly, she opened it and reached out for the tree branch that often banged against the window. She felt it's strong hard bark in her clutching hand. It was strong, strong enough to support a good deal more weight than her own. She had only used this means of escape once before, that was when . . .

She grabbed it with both hands and put her weight on it as she slipped her bare foot on the slippery windowsill. In one sweeping movement she swung out of the window and sat side-saddle on the branch. Her long cape swept behind her with her free jet-black hair. She didn't bother to close the window or even to put her hood up against the rain before she dropped down onto the ground.  
She stayed there, on one knee with her cape and hair draping about her. Then, as suddenly as a flash-flood, she ran into the night. __

"You can't run from me." said the voice. It only made her sprint faster. Her feet took her to the cemetery. To anyone watching, she would have appeared to be nothing more than a black blur. With great control she came to a sudden stop over the grave of her friend.

"_Why are you here? She'll never forgive you." You don't know that._ She said defiantly to the demon. She silently prayed for forgiveness. _If anyone in the world could find the heart to forgive someone, it's you. Help me one last time. Please.  
_  
The evil voice who had been chanting that she would never forgive, never help, suddenly ceased. Hanajima collapsed with exhaustion. She lay there, face up breathing hard, for a long time. She felt the seemingly cleansing raindrops wash over her and opened her eyes. She might have been imagining things in her tired state, but she thought she saw the smiling face of her friend in the thunderous clouds above her.

"Thank you." she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

This is a continuation of the one-shot I posted on Hanajima. This is a fic I will only update if I'm feeling particularly gloomy. I don't know how often that will be, but we'll find out.

* * *

She woke, soaked to the skin and chilled, on the wet grass. Her dark hair was laid out like a blanket underneath her. Her head ached, but she didn't try to get up. Her eyes remained completely closed as she lay there, weak and corpse like. Hanajima's mind was blank, she had no thoughts, no desires, no fears. She simply lay there like one that has died as the sun's warm rays crept over her body.

Suddenly, she heard hurried footsteps coming toward her. She was only slightly aware of the two fingers that reached to check her pulse. Then, two strong arms slipped underneath her body and proceeded to lift her up and carry her away from the cemetery. Only then did she open her eyes slightly to read the words on the tombstone she had slept beside.

_Here lies Tohru Honda_

_A dear friend and protector until the end._

Hanajima closed her eyes again, her grief and guilt once again consuming her. _Oh Tohru-chan, I'm so sorry._ she thought. The events of the previous night suddenly returned to her memory. She remembered leaving her apartment, running from the voice, and then the moment of relief when it had stopped.

Her entire body was limp, she didn't even shiver with the cold she felt. The strong arms were the only things connecting her with the rest of the living world. But to whom did they belong? She didn't care, and she wished whoever it was had simply left her there to die. That was what she deserved, after all. Then she remembered vividly what had happened to make that tombstone rise.

"But, but how could they do this to you?" Hanajima said, her tone one of absolute shock and anger. Although she usually hid all emotions behind a thick wall, they now came pouring out like an ocean from behind floodgates.

"I, I don't know." Tohru answered, her eyes staring at the floor. They were in Tohru's bedroom, both sitting on her soft pink bed. Tohru's eyes were red and tears still ran down her cheeks. "I must have done something wrong, something that upset them."

"You never did anything but help this family, and they've been manipulating you all this time!" she shouted, making a move for the door. Quickly, Tohru stood in front of Hanajima, keeping the closed door behind her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, gazing at her friend's dark look in fear.

"I'm going to give them, all of them, what they deserve for treating you like this." she answered, but Tohru shook her head defiantly. "They have no right to do this, Tohru! I won't allow it!" Hana shouted, tears now welling in her own eyes. "Let me through!" she yelled, running at the door.

Unlike she had hoped, Tohru hadn't moved aside to let her pass. She had slammed right into her friend. Tohru looked winded and weakened from the blow, but still stood defiantly in the doorway.

"I won't let you hurt them." she gasped faintly.

"Let me pass, Tohru!" Hanajima yelled. Her tone suddenly softened for a moment in her anger and she said quietly, "I don't want to hurt you."

"I can't let you do this." she answered, still standing between her friend and the door.

"I just can't stand idly by and let them do this to you! I will make them feel the pain they've caused you!" she screamed.

"No." Tohru said, still obstinate.

"Do you deny they put so many burdens on you? Deny that they hurt you? Deny that they've used you for their own malicious purposes?" Tohru once again was silent, gazing at the floor, as more tears slid down her cheeks. "Let me through to them!" she lashed out once more, not with her body, but with her mind.

Then the very air was filled with static as Tohru looked in horror at Hanajima. Her eyes still wide, her limp form slid to the floor with a dull thump. The room was filled with a deathly silence. Hanajima looked down unfeelingly at the body before reaching over it to open the door. In the same deathly calm manner, she stepped over Tohru Honda and left the room closing the door behind her.

She must have fallen asleep, for Hanajima woke in a strange bed, in an unfamiliar room. Her eyes opened slowly, gazing about the room. She surveyed the dark velvet blanket that covered the bed and the ebony chest of drawers near the door. Through a massive stained window above the bed shined blood-red light, giving the room an entirely gothic feel. Within the stained window was a mural of all the zodiac creatures lined up along a winding road as they traveled to the banquet, and in the far bottom right corner the cat slept soundly in its bed. The walls were painted black, as was the ceiling, but there was something entirely different about the ceiling in this room. As she gazed up at it, she saw a thousand stars winking at her from what seemed to be the night sky. There was a small bedside table, and on it was a vase of fresh red roses. Sitting up, she reached to take one in order to smell its sweet scent, but pricked her finger on a thorn. A single drop of blood formed on her fingertip.

Only then did she notice that she no longer wore her same clothes. Instead she wore a baggy black satin pajama set. The fabric was soft and slipped easily over her pale skin. Hanajima realized with horror that whoever had removed her from the cemetery must have changed her. She clutched herself, shivering from an imaginary touch. Then, the door opened.

"Ah, I see you're awake."

"You." Hanajima said coldly, glaring at the figure in the doorway. "I ought to kill you right where you stand."


End file.
